I want my future husband to be a blessing to me. More than that, I hope to be a blessing to him.
I want to have an answer for every friend, aunt, and stranger when they ask me "why aren't you married?" More than that, I hope that my landing point is not marriage but Christ Himself (there's my answer to their question).
"For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith--that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." (Ephesians 3:14-19)
I really do have a desire to get married. But I think I've finally reached a point where I can honestly, from my heart, say that I am filled with joy at the thought of my singleness. I'm being made more and more aware of how huge of a blessing it is.
I'm learning that I can be fulfilled and have joy even if I desire a different circumstance. It's more than knowing the concept--I actually, in my being, am so filled with joy. Sometimes my eyes well up when I think about where the Lord has placed me. (I know i'm a cheeseball)
Frequently in the past, I have wanted God to just send me my husband and let me be married and experience Him through my marriage relationship. I'd get frustrated because there would be absolutely nothing happening that was answering my prayer the way I wanted it to. I'm learning now that begging God to "get me out of this season" builds toward not appreciating what He is doing in my life. It's okay to have the desire to get married because I believe that desire is from Him. But it's not okay to want it at the expense of the present work going on in me.
Psalm 46:10-- "Be still and know that I am God" in my blog about Ruth and Esther, I pondered the concept of having strength in being still. I am finding that being still before the Lord most often means to be content, to find joy in where you are, and offer your situation back to Him, and wait on Him for what your life is becoming. For me, this means that I am to practice being outward focused. Being single allows me a LOT of time to spend with others, praying for others, and helping whenever I can. And I find "stillness" in that.
I HAVE TO TRUST THAT YOU ARE NOT HOLDING SOMETHING FROM ME BY KEEPING ME SINGLE.
I also have the chance to be faithful to my future husband before we are even together. I CAN live this love story before the relationship starts. I can continue to let God's healing happen in my heart from the unfaithfulness I had lived out in the past. I can and choose to hold onto the healing He has brought & the new person He has made me into. 2 Corinthians 5:17 absolutely rings true to me--"If anyone is in Christ, the old has died, the new has come". I rejoice in this because I get another chance to do it right. I'm sure taking it.
"Those who look to Him are radiant and their faces will never be ashamed" Psalm 34:5
LORD, HELP ME TO ALWAYS LOOK TO YOU TO FIND FULFILLMENT. REMIND ME WHO I AM IN YOU. MAKE ME RADIANT WITH YOUR TRUTH, INSIDE AND OUT. THANK YOU FOR THE BODY OF CHRIST, WHOM I GET TO DELIGHT IN BY JOINING TOGETHER TO SEEK YOU. YOUR WILL, AND NOT MINE, BE DONE IN MY LIFE.
life is a highway!
Monday, March 25, 2013
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
attachment
When I was attending Grace University, I had this really cool professor who said one night something along the lines of, "if you're bored, it has less to do with a lack of things to do and more to do with flawed character". It hit me in the heart and has always stuck with me.
And I think most of us, if we are studying the things of God, have heard and know the truth that anxiety and worry result from a lack of trust in God. Also something that can make you really examine your heart.
Mark 10:22 says "the man's face clouded over. this was the last thing he expected to hear, and he walked off with a heavy heart. he was holding on tight to a lot of things, and not about to let go." because Jesus had just got done telling him that he needed to sell everything he owned and give it to the poor. Verse 22, his response, is a result of a lifetime of "security" in wealth and rule.
Anthony de Mello, as quoted by Rob Bell in "Sex God" (and pointed out to me by a brother) says about Mark 10:22:
"And here is something else to ponder on: Each time you are anxious and afraid, it is because you may lose or fail to get the object of your attachment, isn't it? And each time you feel jealous, isn't it because someone may make off with what you are attached to? And almost all your anger comes from someone standing in the way of your attachment, doesn't it? And see how paranoid you become when your attachment is threatened - you cannot think objectively; your whole vision becomes distorted, doesn't it? And every time you feel bored, isn't it because you are not getting a sufficient supply of what you believe will make you happy, of what you are attached to? And when you are depressed and miserable, the cause is there for all to see: Life is not giving you what you have convinced yourself you cannot be happy without. Almost every negative emotion you experience is the direct outcome of an attachment.
And I think most of us, if we are studying the things of God, have heard and know the truth that anxiety and worry result from a lack of trust in God. Also something that can make you really examine your heart.
Mark 10:22 says "the man's face clouded over. this was the last thing he expected to hear, and he walked off with a heavy heart. he was holding on tight to a lot of things, and not about to let go." because Jesus had just got done telling him that he needed to sell everything he owned and give it to the poor. Verse 22, his response, is a result of a lifetime of "security" in wealth and rule.
Anthony de Mello, as quoted by Rob Bell in "Sex God" (and pointed out to me by a brother) says about Mark 10:22:
"And here is something else to ponder on: Each time you are anxious and afraid, it is because you may lose or fail to get the object of your attachment, isn't it? And each time you feel jealous, isn't it because someone may make off with what you are attached to? And almost all your anger comes from someone standing in the way of your attachment, doesn't it? And see how paranoid you become when your attachment is threatened - you cannot think objectively; your whole vision becomes distorted, doesn't it? And every time you feel bored, isn't it because you are not getting a sufficient supply of what you believe will make you happy, of what you are attached to? And when you are depressed and miserable, the cause is there for all to see: Life is not giving you what you have convinced yourself you cannot be happy without. Almost every negative emotion you experience is the direct outcome of an attachment.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Three Seven and Three Seventeen
I want to write out a really cool lesson i learned/am learning about drinking and holding up my position as a Christian working for God's kingdom.
Not too long ago, actually a couple weeks before Christmas it hit me like a ton of bricks that my life priorities were not quite straight. I noticed (by God's grace) that what I looked forward to every week was going out and drinking on the weekends. I was so convicted because three years ago my heart was in a totally different place. My life was totally about ministry (college, work revolved around it.) and i knew it was my duty to drink minimally and be the "salt of the earth" when it came to drinking. Not just to keep the "rules" but because that was what God had laid on my heart. And somewhere along the line, I lost sight of that old conviction and have given in more and more to drinking, not thinking about the ramifications.
Then I got slapped in the face with the reality of where my heart was. Don't get me wrong--i'm not against drinking. I think that in the right place at the right times, responsibly, it can bring people together. This is just something specific to my life and heart. From GodSo I made a commitment to stop drinking and be available at all times to give rides and/or help people who needed it.
It was great. On New Year's Eve I provided almost 20 people with safe rides home and even though it probably wasn't that significant to anyone else, I felt so at peace and right about it. Like God was saying, "yes. this is what i've been getting at with you. isn't it good?"
Then on another night, I hung out at a bar, playing pool with one of my closest friends and closed the place down. A man was there with his wife playing pool with us. He was in awe that we were at the bar, at 130am, having fun, and hadn't had a sip of alcohol. He questioned it, and I gave him my reason. He was moved. And in my heart I know a seed was planted.
THEN i slipped up and got REALLY drunk with a group of my closest friends one saturday night a few weeks ago. No "wrong" was done per say, but that Sunday I felt so wrong. Even though I had a blast, danced with friends, and laughed a lot, I still heard God saying "this is not what your life is for".
I confessed to two of my closest Christian friends how wrong I felt. They were nothing but encouraging. One offered to share in my 'no drinking' commitment with me; the other reminded me of the precious truth that "he knows we are flesh from the dust. and this is his opportunity to remind you of that, and how His righteousness can be yours again. you are not that person of last night - that is external to your true identity, that was your old man, your fallen self. but today you wake as a blood bought child of the King, cleansed and pure by Him."
WHERE THE SPIRIT OF THE LORD IS, THERE IS FREEDOM 2 Corinthians 3:17
After my recommitment, I had a texting conversation with a friend who is a fellow student of the Word. I told him the story about playing pool at the bar, and he responded with this: "Jesus never said HOW, he simply commands, "love"...when Jesus says "love" he does not mean "bring people to church" or "tell them how i bash religion" or whatever. just love. and they will wonder why. it's exactly as you said. Plant the seed, we don't control the rainfall."
1 Corinthians 3:7"I planted the seed, Apollos watered the plants, but God made you grow. It’s not the one who plants or the one who waters who is at the center of this process but God, who makes things grow. Planting and watering are menial servant jobs at minimum wages. What makes them worth doing is the God we are serving. You happen to be God’s field in which we are working."
And it was interesting, that I didn't notice what had actually happened til hindsight. But along with other kingdom work, that's the kind of thing i'm supposed to be doing. planting and watering, and mainly, loving people where they are.
“Leaders can’t afford to make fools of themselves, gulping wine and swilling beer,Lest, hung over, they don’t know right from wrong, and the people who depend on them are hurt.Use wine and beer only as sedatives, to kill the pain and dull the acheOf the terminally ill, for whom life is a living death.8-9 “Speak up for the people who have no voice, for the rights of all the down-and-outers.Speak out for justice! Stand up for the poor and destitute!” -Proverbs 31
Thank you Jesus, for being Spirit. For knowing my heart, for knowing each heart you made. Thank you for hope bigger than what this world can offer. Thank you for individual callings. Thank you for planting and watering.
Not too long ago, actually a couple weeks before Christmas it hit me like a ton of bricks that my life priorities were not quite straight. I noticed (by God's grace) that what I looked forward to every week was going out and drinking on the weekends. I was so convicted because three years ago my heart was in a totally different place. My life was totally about ministry (college, work revolved around it.) and i knew it was my duty to drink minimally and be the "salt of the earth" when it came to drinking. Not just to keep the "rules" but because that was what God had laid on my heart. And somewhere along the line, I lost sight of that old conviction and have given in more and more to drinking, not thinking about the ramifications.
Then I got slapped in the face with the reality of where my heart was. Don't get me wrong--i'm not against drinking. I think that in the right place at the right times, responsibly, it can bring people together. This is just something specific to my life and heart. From GodSo I made a commitment to stop drinking and be available at all times to give rides and/or help people who needed it.
It was great. On New Year's Eve I provided almost 20 people with safe rides home and even though it probably wasn't that significant to anyone else, I felt so at peace and right about it. Like God was saying, "yes. this is what i've been getting at with you. isn't it good?"
Then on another night, I hung out at a bar, playing pool with one of my closest friends and closed the place down. A man was there with his wife playing pool with us. He was in awe that we were at the bar, at 130am, having fun, and hadn't had a sip of alcohol. He questioned it, and I gave him my reason. He was moved. And in my heart I know a seed was planted.
THEN i slipped up and got REALLY drunk with a group of my closest friends one saturday night a few weeks ago. No "wrong" was done per say, but that Sunday I felt so wrong. Even though I had a blast, danced with friends, and laughed a lot, I still heard God saying "this is not what your life is for".
I confessed to two of my closest Christian friends how wrong I felt. They were nothing but encouraging. One offered to share in my 'no drinking' commitment with me; the other reminded me of the precious truth that "he knows we are flesh from the dust. and this is his opportunity to remind you of that, and how His righteousness can be yours again. you are not that person of last night - that is external to your true identity, that was your old man, your fallen self. but today you wake as a blood bought child of the King, cleansed and pure by Him."
WHERE THE SPIRIT OF THE LORD IS, THERE IS FREEDOM 2 Corinthians 3:17
After my recommitment, I had a texting conversation with a friend who is a fellow student of the Word. I told him the story about playing pool at the bar, and he responded with this: "Jesus never said HOW, he simply commands, "love"...when Jesus says "love" he does not mean "bring people to church" or "tell them how i bash religion" or whatever. just love. and they will wonder why. it's exactly as you said. Plant the seed, we don't control the rainfall."
1 Corinthians 3:7"I planted the seed, Apollos watered the plants, but God made you grow. It’s not the one who plants or the one who waters who is at the center of this process but God, who makes things grow. Planting and watering are menial servant jobs at minimum wages. What makes them worth doing is the God we are serving. You happen to be God’s field in which we are working."
And it was interesting, that I didn't notice what had actually happened til hindsight. But along with other kingdom work, that's the kind of thing i'm supposed to be doing. planting and watering, and mainly, loving people where they are.
“Leaders can’t afford to make fools of themselves, gulping wine and swilling beer,Lest, hung over, they don’t know right from wrong, and the people who depend on them are hurt.Use wine and beer only as sedatives, to kill the pain and dull the acheOf the terminally ill, for whom life is a living death.8-9 “Speak up for the people who have no voice, for the rights of all the down-and-outers.Speak out for justice! Stand up for the poor and destitute!” -Proverbs 31
Thank you Jesus, for being Spirit. For knowing my heart, for knowing each heart you made. Thank you for hope bigger than what this world can offer. Thank you for individual callings. Thank you for planting and watering.
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