less and less asleep

I want my future husband to be a blessing to me. More than that, I hope to be a blessing to him.

I want to have an answer for every friend, aunt, and stranger when they ask me "why aren't you married?" More than that, I hope that my landing point is not marriage but Christ Himself (there's my answer to their question).

"For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith--that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." (Ephesians 3:14-19)

I really do have a desire to get married. But I think I've finally reached a point where I can honestly, from my heart, say that I am filled with joy at the thought of my singleness. I'm being made more and more aware of how huge of a blessing it is.

I'm learning that I can be fulfilled and have joy even if I desire a different circumstance. It's more than knowing the concept--I actually, in my being, am so filled with joy. Sometimes my eyes well up when I think about where the Lord has placed me. (I know i'm a cheeseball)

Frequently in the past, I have wanted God to just send me my husband and let me be married and experience Him through my marriage relationship. I'd get frustrated because there would be absolutely nothing happening that was answering my prayer the way I wanted it to. I'm learning now that begging God to "get me out of this season" builds toward not appreciating what He is doing in my life. It's okay to have the desire to get married because I believe that desire is from Him. But it's not okay to want it at the expense of the present work going on in me.

Psalm 46:10-- "Be still and know that I am God" in my blog about Ruth and Esther, I pondered the concept of having strength in being still. I am finding that being still before the Lord most often means to be content, to find joy in where you are, and offer your situation back to Him, and wait on Him for what your life is becoming. For me, this means that I am to practice being outward focused. Being single allows me a LOT of time to spend with others, praying for others, and helping whenever I can. And I find "stillness" in that.

I HAVE TO TRUST THAT YOU ARE NOT HOLDING SOMETHING FROM ME BY KEEPING ME SINGLE.

I also have the chance to be faithful to my future husband before we are even together. I CAN live this love story before the relationship starts. I can continue to let God's healing happen in my heart from the unfaithfulness I had lived out in the past. I can and choose to hold onto the healing He has brought & the new person He has made me into. 2 Corinthians 5:17 absolutely rings true to me--"If anyone is in Christ, the old has died, the new has come". I rejoice in this because I get another chance to do it right. I'm sure taking it. 

"Those who look to Him are radiant and their faces will never be ashamed" Psalm 34:5

LORD, HELP ME TO ALWAYS LOOK TO YOU TO FIND FULFILLMENT. REMIND ME WHO I AM IN YOU. MAKE ME RADIANT WITH YOUR TRUTH, INSIDE AND OUT. THANK YOU FOR THE BODY OF CHRIST, WHOM I GET TO DELIGHT IN BY JOINING TOGETHER TO SEEK YOU. YOUR WILL, AND NOT MINE, BE DONE IN MY LIFE.